I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
