Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
