So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
