sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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