I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
