I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
