I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
