You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
