my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Every concussion has its silver lining
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
