I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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