I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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