I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
