I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I don't deserve a penis
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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