I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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