You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
