Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
