It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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