her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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