the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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