I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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