Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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