is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
