Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
