I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
