I want to have your abortion
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
