peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
you never un-have a 4some
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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