NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
