Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize