i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
