This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
