i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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