my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
