He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
