You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
