Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
