Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
