I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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