Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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