No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
