when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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