I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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