hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
And then my night got REAL pukey
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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