it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize