the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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