Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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