what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
