i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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