Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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