butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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