false alarm. still invincible.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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