so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
