So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
