sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
