my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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