Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
