Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
