We're like a lot better than the average bears
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
