The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
