I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
