I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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