The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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