I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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