Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
