Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
