allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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